I dream of a big city, lights, people, warm concrete, buses, traffic lights, trees that linger through wind. I dream of being real, feeling real. All my time spent dreaming I forgot that actually I am real. I do exist. I am. I live my dream. As the city beats and people move, every glimpse of light and sound awakes my soul to live with it, be a part of it, to realize I truly am real, but lost in the fog of my thoughts, missing life while it passes by me. Between dreaming, life and it’s beats we rarely stop, look around us, count our blessings and realize how lucky we actually are. I don’t blame us because we live by this urban rush in crazy tempo, always somewhere doing something, but when the beat drops and terrible reality appeared, we’re forced to stop. In those moments the mind is blank, speechless and then we exist, untainted by blur of our thoughts. Like in the moments of indescribable beauty.. Sad part is that we rarely stop to exist when things are ordinary but filled with peaceful joy. When summer started I was so happy that I passed all my exams in summer deadlines and that all my vacation days I will be able to spend in peace doing things I love with full being, and not have that background noise of my duties telling me that I have to study and not what I want to. I myself am a very happy creäture, and I see things in this strange and amazing light, and things that are ordinary to some people, I see them as extraordinary, that’s why I even common things find so enjoyable. True happiness is finding excitement in ordinary things. 🙂 I realized how much blogging makes me happy and how I shouldn’t have reasons that can stop me from doing it, even when my schedule is full with obligations, I should always find time to do what I love, what makes me happy and what comes my soul down. The moment I started blogging for all the wrong reasons everything fell apart, but now when I firmly stand behind the right ones, I’m not obligated to write on schedule and limit myself so every time I don’t post anything for a week I go crazy. No need to limit yourself. Especially when it’s about something you love so much. You should enjoy it, not being obligated to it. Every new post I feel so happy to share with you amazing people and maybe inspire you.. My time on Pag was best possible. Every day I was blessed with the presence of my amazing parents who I consider one of the best people in this universe. They unconsciously teach me all the highest values every human should have.. No matter what, your family will always be there for you and love you and their doors will always be open, because no matter what profession they’re into, their biggest and most valued legacy to this world is us. Their children.. It’s important to value people around you, and to realize that everyone’s presence is present, because even people who are terrible to you and ones that hate you, can teach you many things. In our lives there will always exist people who dislike us. People who have objection about every single thing we do. It’s crucial to recognize who are the people who give us constructive criticism, and people who object form pure hate or jealousy. The first kind we have to embrace with full being, and the other kind, well, they will always exist. Best you can learn from them is that you don’t end up like them, bitter by success of others and their lives. All our energy will be in better use if we steer it towards being a good human and let that people to exist exactly as they are, someday they will also find their way. People often say how a purpose of a ones life can’t be for another human being, and that this view of life and one’s purpose is completely wrong. I consider this as wrong. There is no ”one universal right way” that every human should stride. Everyone has their own way, and if someone finds their highest happiness in living for another, well that is the right way for them and no one can say otherwise. Maybe it’s true we don’t live for others, but whether we like to admit it or not, we are here for each other, and we need each other. But not in an obsessive, addicted way. We need each other so we can make each other feel better. How many times have we’ve been sick, mentally or physically? How many times have we’ve been better after that? And in how many situation like those other person affected on how we felt? Taking care of us when we’re sick, making us tea and soups, or sat down beside us, gave us a hug and held monologue for hours on how things will be better when we were in a bad place. Few days ago I lost my great-grandmother. She was 84 years old, lived a long amazing life full of love. But regardless, that kind of news hit you like thunder. In moments like that life beat is low and you feel terrible. Between crying and sleeping i sat down on my bed and got into thinking about things I rarely thought about for a really long time. I started to get angry att myself for not visiting that often and spending more time with her, but when I spoke to my mom she told me that even thought she felt the same way, that is sadness for a selfish reason. It will never be enough, people sometimes unexpectedly go. Important thing is to value time spent with them while they’re here. It will never be enough, and no matter how much time and energy we spend on people, we will never have a feeling like it was enough. We will always feel like we could give more.. This event made me think about my actions in life. I realized how hard it is for us to do things we don’t feel like doing sometimes. For example, when I was in highschool I hated spending time visiting my relatives and making conversation when I actually wanted to be somewhere else doing something else. When you move away from home and you don’t get to see your family that often, you learn being grateful and to appreciate every precious moment you spend in their company. You can only imagine how much your grandma enjoys when her granddaughter who studies across county comes to visit, and she only sees you three times a year. It’s important to appreciate these moments and spend them with fully conscious being, in joy and happiness with those people, and not wishing you were somewhere else, doing something else. This applies to all human relationships, to everything we do, to every moment of our lives. We need to recognize the good times while we’re in them, and enjoy company of others before it’s too late. Wherever you are, who ever you are with, be there, be fully present with you being, even if you don’t like it, accept the situation, and soon it will come your way and become a great experience which could may never be like that if you constantly resist it. Important thing is being real, now, in this moment, not an illusion we build around ourselves, wandering in fog of our thoughts while life passes us by. People around us are our mirrors, especially people with who we share most intimacy. Before we are people, we are souls, equal to each other. That’s why you should always ask yourself what can you give before demanding something you want. Happiness is about being real, and if we spend our reality expecting and demanding things from other people who are maybe not capable of giving them to us, we will spend our whole life being just partly happy, expecting something we may never get. Leave people better than you found them, and celebrate their every tiny victory. I know I wouldn’t come so far in my life if it wasn’t for my parents, boyfriend and best friend who say such amazing stuff to me that sometimes makes me feel like they say it just because it’s their obligation. They recognize the amazing in me that I sometimes can’t see for myself. They push me to be better, grater, not to waste my potential.. Therefore I am who I am because of them and myself. I’m really blessed with everyone I know because every person is unique and important. That’s why I like being kind to compete strangers and give out cigarettes to homeless people. Who knows, maybe that will be that homeless man’s only cigarette today, and he needs it more than me, and maybe it made his day just a bit better.. A smile to a cashier at the store, a nice Hello to the bus driver is maybe the only kindness those people get all day.. When I was at my lowest that day, my mom and my boyfriend made it better. Beautiful times I share with my boyfriend I don’t like to share with anyone else, but I can say that he reminded me, in a most amazing way that even sometimes when things get really hard, we have each other and our little things that can make us feel better. From that day, every moment of my life is like painted with brighter colors, the Sun is shining brighter, and the trees seems to sway to the melody in my head.. Everything is more lively than before. My eyes are more opened than before while I once again realized things I knew before, but in a more pure and beautiful way. This weekend we spent with my parents who came here to help us search for a new apartment. I enjoyed every second of it. I didn’t check my phone or Facebook, didn’t want to be anywhere but wherever I was in that moment.. Like some greater force sensed I needed that. I saw so much beauty in everything and felt a great connection to the world that almost scared me a little. But it’s important to let go to this new feeling and peaceful joy of life. Two weeks of hanging out with our friends that came to visit, night adventures, drinking coffee in flower gardens, deep conversations, love.. But bad things too.. Every moment of these two weeks was the right moment. Beats. We rise, we fall, but we rise again, that is how we know we are alive. We decide and we fight for ourselves. We are here for each other. And no matter where we are, if we’re with the right people, it will be the best time of our lives. In these two weeks nothing mattered more to me than being alive, feel every moment and completely always be in the now. I can say I really look forward to upcoming events like college and studying and exams, because it may seem like an old experience, but with new state of mind I know it will be different, and even better than before. All I can feel is gratefulness and happiness and blessing with all amazing things and people in my life. I am real and I am here, now, always only now.
This photosession was probably one of the best ones ever. Marija and I spent the day outside, drinking coffee, having deep conversations, and exploring Hartera which is an old complex of paper factory that was abandoned few decades ago. I truly believe Hartera is one of the most beautiful places on this Earth, because even though nobody comes here that often, entire place is full of graffiti and you can feel people living though those walls. You can feel them and their memories existing there just like we existed there on that day.. Often I feel things my thoughts can’t describe, but I think you will feel the life of this amazing place through my photos. Love always and shine on forever. S.
Photo by: Marija Jančec <3